“thank god I had the quadratic equation to calculate the parabola of the ball I just threw .” —no one (via aabigaaill)
“They’ve promised that dreams can come true - but forgot to mention that nightmares are dreams, too.” —Oscar Wilde (via smokingbl00d)
if i had a voice like morgan freeman i would just walk around the streets following people and pretend to narrate their lives
- me after running for one minute: i'm still alive, but i'm barely breathing
you are hotter than the bottom of my laptop
- me: walks out of bathroom with laptop
- math test: a farmer plants 7 crops of tomatoes and 3 crops of carrots what is the probablity his moms name is leslie
- history test: the american civil war ended in 1865, explain how this had a defining role in the extinction of dinosaurs
- literature test: explain what the author meant by, "the apple was as red as an apple"
- physics tests: The aliens ate 3.4 doughnuts. Their crumbs fell to the Earth because of gravity. Calculate how many penguins are eating pancakes at the speed of light.
if it takes more than 3 seconds to load
- me: the internets broken